I was just on my bed sobbing my eyes out. I mean it had its purpose I was crying about every time I’ve ever raised my voice to my children. Its not that many times but I feel even one is too many.
I am currently recovering emotionally and physically from an experience that I wont go too much into. But this experience shown me how my heart is such a tender flower and that each and everyone of our hearts are delicate and longed to be loved. To be treated with care.
My perspective with my children has deeply changed since the day I had them, the older they get the more I see their tender little hearts and how they need gentle loving care rather than harsh discipline. I’m not going to be the one that restricts their fun, their flow, their lust for life. Children are so close to that loving energy, they live life how it should be lived. With an open heart, with out a care in the world. It sounds crazy and irresponsible but thats how life should be lived.
Its only as we get older we become less loving and soft and chase career and success, yet at the same time we so long to connect to that inner child. Who is always there inside saying, stop working so hard! just chill out! you’re making yourself sick! We drift so far from this beautiful core of who we are and we got so lost. I personally feel like life is a journey back to this sweet loving inner self. That’s why old people and children are kind of a like.
Anyway, I was sobbing at the fact that my gross, hard adultness had hurt that delicate little heart inside even for a second. And you know what everytime I lose myself and react, I am wrong. I am so wrong. The child (who is wiser, more stable and more connecting to love than me) is trying to tell me something!
My boy was crying because he wanted me to come to a theme park that he and his friends were going to for a birthday. My lame adult conditioned brain said that he must not act in this clingy way, I deserve alone time.
But this way of thinking is so so wrong! In fact I absolutely needed to come to a theme park and have some fun on some rides and also cherish the fact that my beautiful little boy wanted me to come and have fun with him. AND that my beautiful little boy knew in his heart that I needed to come and have fun that day. It tares my heart a part that even for a moment I rejected this special invitation from him.
Well luckily I managed to tell that crappy adult part of me to f*ck off and I went and had fun with him and his friends at the theme park and hopefully I shown him how much I love him and how much I DO want to spend time with him and have fun. I tell you. It was the most fun I’ve had in ages. He and his friends are so fun and loving life. I pray and pray and pray that they never change, that they never lose that wonderful spirit.
This is the first little tactic to breaking a negative thought pattern. Stop and think, is there another message here? What if I stop resisting this invitation of love and throw myself into what life is offering me?
I don’t need rest or alone time. I need to have some fun! Exactly in the same way Jim Carey does in Yes Man. I love that movie and its so true. So going back to my sobbing. Even though I DID go and have fun and I told my lovely lovely little boy that I’m glad I came and I love him, I was still so heart broken that I even tried to resist it. Then I noticed my mood starting to drop. No, I say. This is not the place I want to be. So I listened to Behind the Clouds by Chuck Berry from Pixars Cars. I needed a little reminder that life is not bad! The sun IS shining if I let it. If I go out and find it. Give it a listen. Love it.
Then I google “positive life quotes” because this always helps me out of a funk. And the one that is so powerful for me is “Live everyday like its your last”.
And I do have this thought recently when I feel lost…
If nothing mattered, if I could do exactly what I wanted to do right now what would it be?
Go to The Shed cafe and get yourself a damn decaf mocha and write a blog post. Well thats totally achievable I thought. So thats what I’m doing right now.
I was going to put a filter on that photo to make myself look better but I said NO to that. What’s wrong with my normal face ey? Clearly been crying.
Even though I don’t have the income for expensive mocha. Even though my bowel has been bleeding for a year due to stress and google says don’t drink coffee. I’m doing it anyway. I’m having my decaf mocha and writing my blog post and I trust that my money worries and my bleeding butt will be fixed in due course. And you know what when I got here I seen my best friend Kate and she gave me a hug. I got more than I bargained for. Because I was actually crying for a hug too.
Wrapping Up with Key Insights
So the key takeaways here are, its okay to cry and be emotional but when you’re done with it, go and do something you love! Whatever you can do. It’s usually something little too, like driving your car around with your favourite music. Watching hilarious animal videos. Or having a coffee in a lovely cafe. Don’t let your mind make excuses not to, just do it! Could even go and buy yourself some Nike trainer on Klarna.
